To B or not To B

In contemplating the present opening prospects in human affairs, I am led to expect that a material part of the general happiness which heaven seems to have prepared for mankind will be derived from the manufacture and general use of Maple Sugar - Letter to Thomas Jefferson from Benjamin Rush, August 19, 1791

I have long proclaimed to the world my adoration for that true nectar of the Olympian Gods, that Elixir of Life, known as Grade B Maple Syrup.  I was introduced to it on our first of what became an annual family Syrup pilgrimage. That first tour started at Maple Glen Sugar House in Gowanda, a location that is also where I learned not to follow my wife's directions.

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

Thoughts whilst oiling a cutting board:

I vividly remember the my first cutting board. I made it my 7th grade shop class at Brookside Middle School in suburban Rochester (shortly before I was suspended for my first and only time for saying f**k you to the shop teacher). It was made of hardwood 1x2, alternated oak and maple as I recall, glued together with Elmer's® Carpenter's Wood Glue, trimmed to 12x8, and sanded silky-smooth with care. It needed to be - it was a gift for my Mother. She died a couple of months later, a major contributing factor to my explosion with the shop teacher, an event that followed a few weeks later.

I don't mention that for the purpose of pathos, but rather to point out that the shop teacher was a rectum. One his many pearls of wisdom was to use salad oil (at that time it would have been Wesson Vegetable Oil) to treat and protect the wood of the cutting board. It took years, the purchase of a cutting board of my own, and the commencement of a commitment to the study of cookery, to realize how really bad his advice was - vegetable oil goes rancid.

The answer is mineral oil, found by the pint or quart in, of all places, the laxative aisle of your local pharmacy. So here is the reason I bring this issue up - over the years we have acquired two bottles of products that claim to be specifically designed to protect and preserve wood surfaces. No, we didn't pay for them. I probably should have just used them up, but I always thought there might be a lesson to be learned from them.

On the left is a 4 oz. bottle of "Wood Preserver" from Fox Run Craftsman. I don't know what it was purchased for, but today it would be $3.49. The ingredients list a mineral oil base, but nothing else. It has no taste or aroma, so my guess it's just mineral oil.

The middle option is Tree Spirit Mineral Oil. My bottle was 8 oz. for $2.99, but the best price I can find now is 12 oz. for $4.99. It is just mineral oil, but it also carries the claim that it is food safe. I cannot think of anything that would be more food safe that a product sold in a pharmacy for the purpose of being ingested by a human being.

That's the point - it's a scam. It may not be deceptive or misleading in a legal sense, but it's a scam. I don't care that it is targeted at people with more money than brains because each time the trust of people is abused by the food and cookery industry, it makes it harder for those who care to make a case.

Bottom line? Fox Run $.87/oz. Tree Spirit $.41/oz. Mineral oil from the local megamart $.11/oz!

Caveat Emptor!

Nomenclature III

OK, this is the kind of thing that just bugs me. The ad to the right appears in this weeks circular for Tops Supermarkets. It is clearly a marketing ploy rather than an accurate description of the product for sale. The term "Prime Rib" refers, or should refer, to beef. Whether it it actually is, or should be USDA Prime Beef is a subject for debate. The Food Lover's Tiptionary says it must be Prime Beef. Webster's New World Dictionary of Culinary Arts disagrees. The Penguin Companion to Food is silent.

The ultimate arbiter is the USDA's 2003 publication: Food Standards and Labelling Policy Book, which says:

PRIME RIB OF BEEF OR STANDING BEEF RIB ROAST FOR PRIME RIB:
These products do not have to be derived from USDA prime grade beef.

I have a problem with that. By this definition, technically a rib roast from a Commercial or Utility Grade hunk of beef could be sold as prime rib. Now, in the interest of honesty, I must say that Prime Rib is not something I crave. Take the same cut of meat and cut it into thick, bone-in steaks to toss on the grill and I am fine. Roast it whole and it tastes like a hunk of boogers. But like Prime Rib of beef or not, the concept of a "prime rib" of pork just doesn't exist except in the pin heads of the pinheads of some marketing department. It may be the rib section of some piggy, but since the have bred the fat out of pork to create "the other white meat" you won't get
the mouthfeel of a Choice Standing Rib Roast, let alone a Prime Cut.

The problem is that consumers are gullible. They'll think they are getting something special.

Just tell us what we are getting.

Rant Off!

Nomenclature II

So, my wife thought she found a good bargain on what was labeled a pork loin roast at our local Tops Market.. She knew we wouldn't get a chance to to eat it right away, so we popped it in the freezer. I pulled it out and put it in the fridge to thaw without really looking at it. I figured I'd whack the chine bone, so I could carve it, and have some good eats. But, when I pulled it out of the fridge, I got a surprise. While one side of the roast showed the characteristics of a loin cut - the "T" of the back (chine) bone, an eye of both the loin and tenderloin muscle. The other side clearly showed the hip bone. It was a sirloin roast and after I made stock to turn the leftovers into pot pies, it was clear I was right.

Now it was tasty, but a consumer who didn't know the bone structure of meat would be disappointed. There has to be a way to get this right.

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Nomenclature

Bugbear - 2. a persistent problem or source of annoyance. Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc.

We were in DC last week, and were treated to dinner at the Capitol Grille. The wine list was extensive, which is really great when someone else is picking up the tab. The dry aged beef hanging in the entryway cooler looked as good as it tasted. However, there was something about that meal that bugged me then and bugs me now. Before continuing, I should also mention that I really don't get the whole idea of steakhouses. More meat than anyone can or probably should consume at one time (which was especially annoying when we had no way to preserve and use the leftovers) and, I'm sorry, but no creamed spinach is ever worth eight bucks.

This isn't about that, it's about the nomenclature - more precisely the lack thereof - regarding various cuts of beef. This has been something that has been a bugbear of mine for a long time. Take the Strip Steak. Chris Schlesinger and John Willoughby describe the many names of this cut: "For boneless being called: ambassador steak, hotel-style steak, boneless club steak, New York strip, Texas strip, Kansas City strip; for bone ­in: club steak, country club steak, shell steak, sirloin strip steak, strip steak, New York steak." Bruce Aidells would add veiny steak and delmonico steak as choices. Heck, I thought a delmonico was a rib eye, but you can find that explained here. And what's worse is that, with no rules, a supermarket can call it what it wants.

For me, the real problem is my favorite steak, it's pictured above. I know it as a shell steak or club steak, it is basically a strip steak with a bone. In its purest form it is the transition steak between the short loin and and rib sections, where the the tenderloin has whithered to nothingness, and the top loin is becoming a rib steak. Not as good, but still acceptable, it a steak from the t-bone or p-house section, where the tenderloin has been peeled out and the "t" bone trimmed.

So, what does this have to with the Capitol Grill. What they call a sirloin, I know as a strip. Though Sirloin Strip is used, the phrase "sirloin" by itself should only apply to the meats more to the south of the beast. It was annoying, to say the least.

Lots of people have raised their voices regarding this issue, but without success. So, let's get those politicians who want to play with our food off of foie gras, raw milk cheese and cholesterol, etc. and on to a national standard of nomenclature for beef. I propose adopting that put forward by the Cattlemen's Beef Board and the National Cattlemen's Beef association (PDF chart here). Here is to the Top Loin Steak - the bone is optional!

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