Cooking in Theory and Practice: humor

Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, April 1, 2016

An End To My Cooking Career

I have decided today to cease my 20 plus year cookery career. It is a thankless job, filled with low pay, long hours, idiot bosses, even stupider customers never happy with what they receive. It is a world of fools who think that food is a medicine – an anodyne for all their ills. The Glutards. The Kale fanatics. The people who think “organic” = good for you, even if it is over processed crap. The Yancey’s Fancy fans who think that’s what “cheese” is. The MSG haters. Those who think a Fish Fry is a proper way to enjoy a fish. The vitamin supplement freaks. The people who think “may” fix something means “will”. The people who think macaroni salad is gourmet – and easily replaced by a prepared product.

The people who put Ketchup on a hot dog.

And so, I am giving it up to my first true love: Country Music. Appropriate when a Hank Williams biopic appears.

I love the twang. I love the whine. I want my dog run over by a car, my wife to leave me, the transmission to drop out of my pickup. I want to wear a big hat, as if I’d ever been closer to a real ranch than T-Meadow farms.

I want to bitch about everything.

So, look for my first single release: You Can Pry My Foie Gras Out Of My Cold Dead Hands, You Petaphile. The B-Side is: Bone Broth Cured My Herpes.

"I was born a duck minders daughter . . . "

Thursday, January 15, 2015

A Moment of Bliss

Technorati Tags: Comics,Food,Humor

Monday, February 1, 2010

Fun Food Stuff

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; One end is moo, the other milk."- Ogden Nash

This just kind of explains itself. Just go to this Amazon.com link Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz "and read the reviews. They are a hoot of literary imitations!

Hat tip to Andrew Sullivan!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Food Comic for Today

Nothing like trying to get your kids to eat good food, especially when you have one who won't eat the crust of crappy bread - the only bread she eats - unless it's toasted. But she will eat lox and an everyting bagel on Sundays.

I have no answers, and I am not sure there are any, but keep exposing your kids to good food and please don't treat food like medicine! YMMV

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Food Comic For Today

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Food Comic For Today

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Days Of Wine And Matzoh

Trish reads the comics section of the BuffNews start to finish. I read five strips (six on Saturday). Two of the, Bliss and Rhymes with Orange, often have culinary themes. When Bliss has a good one, I go to the website and link to the image and post it. But, Rhymes with Orange has like a two week delay before the strip is available online, and by that time I have either forgotten or it's become irrelevant.

This was just good not to scan and post now.

Happy Passover!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Mental Health Break

My girls are exposed by us to more than just cooking. Classic art, literature and music among them. Lately, that have taken to spontaneously erupting into Cole Porter's "Anything Goes." Of course it's the version by the "other" Cole Porter.

I love those two!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Cooking With Kids V - The Final Horror

I have been writing about cooking with kids since I started blogging. I think it is one of the greatest undertakings a parent can engage in. Since the beginning, I have referred to these posts as "Cooking with Kids". No more. Over the holidays we came up wiith a new name, all because of my daughter Alison - age 8.

Just look at that adorable face! My Mom calls her a gute neshome - Yiddish for a good soul, and she really is all that. However, she has also traced a path of havoc and destruction never before seen in human existence. For this, her nickname since infancy has been Beezil (short for Beelzebub) .

All kids have disasters in and out of the kitchen. When she has them they are just always worse than you'd expect - with splatter patterns that would make Gil Grissom proud. So we were stressing getting ready for the Holidays, Alison decided to drop an egg. It struck the slightly ajar cabinet door beneath and splattered over a stack of nested Pyrex bowls, coating all of them.

As an homage to the unbelievable Executive Transvestite Eddie Izzard, we have now decided to call our family cooking experiences:

We love you Beez!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

In Times of Trouble

I don't care how skilled you are as a cook, there are always times where a kitchen disaster presents itself. In these time of crisis, I always look to to the one who showed me The Way - The Way to Cook, I mean - and pray to Saint Julia for help and guidance. So I was thrilled to find this card at a Sur la Table store just outside of Cleveland (and near a Penzey's store - yum!).

I just had to share it!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Food Comic For Today

Friday, April 18, 2008

Food Comic For Today

Thursday, April 3, 2008

And Now For Something Completely Different

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

A Meal To Remember

How do you finish off a weekend filled with such diverse culinary delights as we enjoyed this past weekend? I pondered blini and paddlefish "caviar", foie gras, or sashimi grade tuna as possibilities, but considering the discerning nature of my well-trained palate, there really was only one choice - Tater Tot Casserole.

My personal recipe includes the following:

2 pounds lean ground beef
1 medium onion, diced
16 ounces frozen mixed vegetables, cooked according to package directions
10 3/4 ounces golden mushroom soup
10 3/4 ounces cream of celery soup
1 pound frozen tater tots, divided

Time Saving Tip: Use bags of frozen vegetables that can be microwaved in their own container.

Between the canned shelf-stable items, and those that live in the freezer, you would think that this is the easiest a recipe can get. Wrong. Now that you can buy fully cooked burgers to crumble in, and the local super market chops the onions, this is a breeze! Combine that with a frontal lobo tomy and even you can cook like Sandra Lee or Ray-Ray!

We paired this with a vintage Grape Nehi even your Company Clerk will love!

Bon Appitit!

And APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!