Life's too short to eat bad food - Me

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic - Arthur C. Clarke

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Waters of Lethe

 Never underestimate the gullibility of the American consumer. - Scotty Harris

They were the Keyboard Gods. These are the words of Dave Weigel in Slate Magazine, in his marvelous five part series on the era of Progressive Rock. In the midst of the pyrotechnic talents of other keyboard players of that era (Keith Emerson, Rick Wakeman et al.) Tony Banks was the epitome of restraint. A founding member of my favorite band Genesis, his talent and roots found more subtle expression. He was aptly called “the most tasteful keyboardist of prog rock” by music historian Wayne Studer.

His first solo album, “A Curious Feeling”, was released in 1979 - recorded during a band hiatus. Its music harkened to back to the earlier era of the band which, in the Phil Collins era, had taken a turn to pop. It didn’t achieve the popularity of the band’s work, but it was well received.

I enjoyed it. I still do – a track lives on my iPod.

What does this have to do with food? Nothing, except the name of that track – The Waters of Lethe – came to mind when reading of a new beverage on the market. Lethe, one of the five rivers of Hades. The River of forgetfulness. Of oblivion.

You would have to be brain-impaired to buy a product called Dream Water.

I don’t get the whole bottled water thing. We don’t live in a third-world country. Public water is inexpensive. For the most part it is both palatable and potable. Why pay for someone else to filter tap water for you when off flavors impurities can be removed by an inexpensive filter pitcher if desired. My refrigerator even comes with a built-in water filter . Even in places where the tap water is too bad to filter (I am talking to you Phoenix) a large multi-gallon jug dispenser makes more sense than individual bottles.

I find Vitamin Water simply laughable. You can get complete nutrition from a balanced diet. If you do feel the need for more, take a pill with a full glass of water – and skip the added sugar. If there was ever a topic ripe for lampoon it’s sustenance in a jug.

Luckily for the world we have Till Krautkr√§mer and his brilliant parody Meatwater™. Dinner in a bottle. (As I have written before, I suggested the wing flavored variety). People believed it real. It made it on Jay Leno.

Hello, McFly?

Enter Dream Water a natural sleep aid so effective it has to carry the banner: "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease."

Folks, I have suffered insomnia my whole life. I have tried everything you can get without  a prescription. Generic diphenhydramine works best for me, but skip the name brands like Benedryl and Tylenol PM.
I have tried so called natural remedies for a variety of ailments - glucosamine and chondroitin for joint pain, melatonin for sleep – none of them have worked. They haven’t done more than placebos in clinical trials, either. I really wish it were otherwise. Really.

But even if you assume melatonin and the other ingredients do work, why would you pay someone $3.00 for an unspecified amount dissolved in what undoubtedly is filtered tap water, rather than spend pennies on pills and wash them down with Chateau Erie County Water Authority?

Yeah, I don’t know either.

But if you are still unconvinced allow me to offer you a new product: Dehydrated Water. Just follow the label directions.

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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Life's too short to eat bad food -