Teach A Man To Fish

And he might catch something you don't want to eat.

I love fish and seafood. I love my adopted home of Buffalo. Apparently, not all of Buffalo shares my love of fish and seafood - if judged by the usual assortment available. The same few species appear over and over, usually once frozen (I don't have a problem with frozen if done well) and farm-raised (ditto). Boneless fillets are the norm. Even those outlets who go out of the way to bring in line caught wild fish bring in the same species, or so it seems. Then there is the issue of "The Smell".

It's gotten much better, but it's still there - "The Smell" that generations have been told is what fish smells like. Don't get it? Join me for breakfast at the Reading Terminal Market (yes the one from the chase scene in National Treasure) in Philadelphia an grab a seat in the Center Court as close to John Yi's Fish market as you like. What you will smell is your coffee, eggs, bacon or scrapple, and not that beautiful array of fish (hey, if a then 5 and 4 year old don't smell anything you know that the fish is fresh).

Of course, that is is part of our problem here - we are geographically challenged. Despite the fact that my wife once had a secretary convinced that Lockport is the Tuna Capitol of North America, we aren't a seaport near an ocean. So with the exception of a few species that survived the pollution in Lakes Erie and Ontario, we depend on seafood that is shipped here. That means to get the freshest of fish it has to be flown or trucked in at great expense. Some places do that on occasion, but more would - if the demand were there. That brings up the obvious second problem, supply follows demand.

Look, we Buffalonians can be a stubborn and parochial lot. I remember an article in the First Sunday magazine of the Buffalo News (and I miss that monthly "fix"). It was an article about Mike Andrzejewski shortly after he and Tai opened Tsunami, talking about flying in overnight the freshest of fish from Hawaii. Things like Ahi, Mahi-Mahi and Hawaiian Butterfish. Many (like me) were salivating at the idea of something called Hawaiian Butterfish cooked by Mike.

However, for each one of us, there are many, many more in the area who still think that the best prepared fish is a hunk of frozen haddock doused in a batter and deep fried in oil that gets changed about as frequently as I change the batteries in my smoke detectors (twice yearly for me). Their opinion is as valid as anyone's, but that they are a majority does aid in our fish impediment.

So, what is the purpose of my rant? Despite any limitations in the Buffalo market, when anyone offers something new or interesting in the domain of fish and seafood I want to try it. When Dash's, a local market, advertised Tender and Delicious Escolar this past week, I was intrigued.

I try to keep up with such nomenclature, but I was lost on this one - my first guess was that it was the bad guy from "A Clear and Present Danger". After that it was an Internet search. Escolar is a fish known under many aliases, including Walu - a name known to me. More important to this post it is also known as the Ex-Lax fish.

It seems that that in addition to a delightful taste the Escolar flesh contains naturally occurring compounds similar to Olestra, the fat substitute that created great fun for me after only a couple of chips. You don't need the details, but it affects about 40% of those who consume it especially in portions over 5 or 6 ounces.

I found many delightful newspaper articles and blog articles about this particular delicacy from coast to coast, from North to South. My favorite is a 1999 article in The New York Times by Marian Burros. This informative article quotes noted food science expert Harold McGee: ''The wax esters therefore pass intact, their lubricating properties undiminished, from the small intestine into the colon, where a sufficient quantity will defeat our normal control over the ultimate disposition of food residues.''

Yum. Just as a side note, I stopped at the nearest Dash's and they had no Escolar on display - though "That Smell" was in evidence from the produce area. But driving by Hayes Seafood in Kenmore, it was advertised as a special.

So the minor question is do you think those who purchased and offered Escolar as a special had any idea of this lovely lower intestinal side effect? Not.

The more important question is what risk are you willing take for good seafood. Poisoning from Fugu is rare, but if you are poisoned there is about a 60% that you'd die. Would you risk it even if prepared by Masa Takayama? Only 40% of people suffer abdominal cramping and loose stools
from Escolar, is it worth that to enjoy a tasty morsel prepared by someone who really knows their way with seafood - say a Mike Andrzejewski?

That's the reason for the poll (which I posted early because you can't save a draft, apparently). I was just curious as to how much risk you would take for something tasty. Look, there is risk in any food (4-13 ETA - Heck, they are recalling breakfast cereal today!). But, to me there is something inherently different in the risk from a frozen hockey puck of ground beef, and that associated with the succulent tastes of exotic fruits de mer.

So, for me yeah, I'd eat Fugu prepared by Masa - heck, beyond the fact that it is the rule of the house, I'd eat anything prepared prepared by Masa.

As for Escolar prepared by Mike, yeah. I almost did. Remember that Hawaiian Butterfish I was drooling over earlier? Yep, Escolar/Walu/Ex-Lax fish. ;-)


The author of this post (um, that'd be me) would like to recognize the assistance of Andrew Galarneau, Buffalo News Staff Writer for confirming that despite rapidly failing memory skills I had accurately recalled that First Sunday article, which he authored. Andrew also runs a Food Blog called Buffalo Buffet, which is well worth stopping by, and is an occasional commenter here.

An Act Of Worship

And not a pleasant one at that. I have mentioned before that I do not do restaurant reviews. Oh I may have occasion to go on a rant about the chef vs. blogger/reviewer issue, the unfair nature of judging on a single visit or the silliness of arbitrary rating systems in reviews. I might even discuss disguises, but there will be no reviews. I just have no interest.

In large measure it is because I don't think you can do reviews without being able to do a bad review. Look, I have had bad experiences in restaurants and I have even walked out on occasion - but the people in restaurants work HARD, and often for not a lot of cash. I just couldn't do a bad review, even under circumstances like this.

Saturday my kids were doing an overnight at Grandma's Saturday, so that my wife and I could attend a Hunter's Hope fundraiser, with Jim in attendance of course. So we did some fun things. We stopped at the Lexington Co-op for some quinoa, among other things, and then to Delish! to see Deb and Stephanie, two old friends in the culinary quarries.

Then we decided to go to lunch at an ethnic restaurant. It had been well recommended by friends who know of our tastes, as well as by the News for a restaurant of this type. The place was packed. We were not impressed, and it was clear that we had made a mistake -- the stuff we ordered off the lunch menu seemed to pale in comparison to what others ordered from the regular menu. Oh well.

The punchline is that we get to the Hyatt, dressed to the nines, and find ourselves a mere two tables from Jim Kelly, local hero (ok, so he led us to four consecutive superbowl losses). As I am walking around looking at the auction I star to feel weird. After my second bite of salad I am about to biff (no it wasn't the Creamy Caesar dressing). I asked Trish to take us home.

Bottom line - I spent much of the next 24 hours worshiping at the porcelain altar. My wife, who doesn't get even those virulent strains of disease emitted from our nations elementary schools succumbed a bit.


Was it a foodborne illness? Who knows. But there is one that follows this pathway - short onset and a relatively short duration. More important, this particular variety is most often stems from something we both ate.

So, could you review it. Nah. More importantly would you go back to try the "real stuff"?

I think I would go for that - as long as I wasn't meeting Jim Kelly later. I still want that autographed picture and bears for the girls!

Not An April Fools Joke

If you thought Tuesday's April Fools Joke was gross and disgusting, try this joyful site I was turned onto by Andrew Sullivan's blog at The Atlantic.com! My German is a bit rusty, but these are photo's of frozen food products that don't measure up to the packaging photos! Here are just a few examples, view them if you dare:

And Now For Something Completely Different

Nomenclature III

OK, this is the kind of thing that just bugs me. The ad to the right appears in this weeks circular for Tops Supermarkets. It is clearly a marketing ploy rather than an accurate description of the product for sale. The term "Prime Rib" refers, or should refer, to beef. Whether it it actually is, or should be USDA Prime Beef is a subject for debate. The Food Lover's Tiptionary says it must be Prime Beef. Webster's New World Dictionary of Culinary Arts disagrees. The Penguin Companion to Food is silent.

The ultimate arbiter is the USDA's 2003 publication: Food Standards and Labelling Policy Book, which says:

PRIME RIB OF BEEF OR STANDING BEEF RIB ROAST FOR PRIME RIB:
These products do not have to be derived from USDA prime grade beef.

I have a problem with that. By this definition, technically a rib roast from a Commercial or Utility Grade hunk of beef could be sold as prime rib. Now, in the interest of honesty, I must say that Prime Rib is not something I crave. Take the same cut of meat and cut it into thick, bone-in steaks to toss on the grill and I am fine. Roast it whole and it tastes like a hunk of boogers. But like Prime Rib of beef or not, the concept of a "prime rib" of pork just doesn't exist except in the pin heads of the pinheads of some marketing department. It may be the rib section of some piggy, but since the have bred the fat out of pork to create "the other white meat" you won't get
the mouthfeel of a Choice Standing Rib Roast, let alone a Prime Cut.

The problem is that consumers are gullible. They'll think they are getting something special.

Just tell us what we are getting.

Rant Off!

Reality Check

There isn't anything here that I'd say I didn't know, or understand, or suppose, or guess. There is nothing here that offends me, except that I presume that many so-called "foodies" don't have (or want) a clue about. But, this puts it in a simple and easily understandable terms. Money quote: "I'm a celebrity first and a chef second". That's been true since Careme.

What's wrong with that.

A Meal To Remember

How do you finish off a weekend filled with such diverse culinary delights as we enjoyed this past weekend? I pondered blini and paddlefish "caviar", foie gras, or sashimi grade tuna as possibilities, but considering the discerning nature of my well-trained palate, there really was only one choice - Tater Tot Casserole.

My personal recipe includes the following:

2 pounds lean ground beef
1 medium onion, diced
16 ounces frozen mixed vegetables, cooked according to package directions
10 3/4 ounces golden mushroom soup
10 3/4 ounces cream of celery soup
1 pound frozen tater tots, divided

Time Saving Tip: Use bags of frozen vegetables that can be microwaved in their own container.


Between the canned shelf-stable items, and those that live in the freezer, you would think that this is the easiest a recipe can get. Wrong. Now that you can buy fully cooked burgers to crumble in, and the local super market chops the onions, this is a breeze! Combine that with a frontal lobotomy and even you can cook like Sandra Lee or Ray-Ray!

We paired this with a vintage Grape Nehi even your Company Clerk will love!

Bon Appitit!

























And APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!